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01 November 2009 @ 05:04 pm
hahahaha. i just read through my entries from a few months ago. i suddenly feel smarter. i was saying all along, all those months ago, that i knew wade would be exactly how he really is! and the funny thing is, i AM painting again, i AM writing again. because i AM happy again. and what did i say? "mark is the one that's there for me all the time" or "i'm on the phone with mark because i cant sleep". its surreal to me. that i am finally wiser and have a better insight on people than i ever have. there are huge things in the future, thats another thing i know. my mom is coming back out of retirement because she got offered a HUGE job, and in a way, it affects my future as well, in a good way. it's funny, i havent updated this journal in 17 weeks. in those 17 weeks, i did try and give wade another chance. basically for the baby. but no, he is still the same. still a liar and cheater. i know alot of people who have known him for years, and almost all of them told me he cheated on people and they know he did, and that he lies about everything, and those people were right. now, i am going to have a little girl. aubrey grace cantwell. i cant wait for her to be here. she will not have a father listed on her birth certificate. a few people told me to put mark, but i've decided against it. if we were married or talking about it, i would. but i'm still sticking to my guns on the fact that, i will not let my daughter get close to, or call any man daddy until i am engaged to the man and know that he will be her daddy for the rest of her life. i am very protective of her already. even with mark, and we have sat down and talked about this, i dont want him spending great deals of time with her unless we take things to the next level. i dont want aubrey seeing man after man coming into her life, and leaving. its not fair to her. it affects kids when their parents date someone and they get attached, and then they're gone. so. i'm stickin to it. life is good. its wonderful. and at this point, i couldnt ask for more :)